Whodunnit?

Following the recent scandal revolving around our beloved and mysterious Leaky Head, this reporter took it upon herself to find out the truth behind the ferocious vandalism. Faced with the daunting task of approaching hair-caressing banana-wielding potential murderers, she decided to take a rather more cautious approach: she chose to become the Insider, close to one person from each vertical from whom she could receive the information required. This article unearths the rather surprising number of motives behind poor old Leaky’s attempted murder.

In an enlightening conversation with Geriatrix, a most lovable and rather fatherly old chap known for his ability to bust a move at his legendary parties, it was revealed that Leaky had promised a couple of members from the Infra team a large storyline in Unmaadleaks, a promise he did not live up to. In a fantastic display of insensitivity, Leaky informed them that they were simply not very exciting or newsworthy, and maybe another time.

Next to be approached was Soporifix. A popular member of the Spons team due to his Mexican roots, his motives were made clear when Leaky rejected his newly shaved legs during a certain pre-Unmaad event, claiming they were not waxed and hence did not qualify. This was the last straw for a man who had spent his day running around in heels after chickens, transgenders, and auto drivers.

It was with trepidation that Justforkix was approached, due to this reporter’s past experience with his hair fetish and occasional transformations into a Peeping Tom. Nonetheless, a quest is a quest, and the brave lady dove straight into the danger zone. Needless to say, Justforkix was on his best behaviour, apparently after the recent bashing he received from Extravaganza. He revealed that at a recent events meeting, Leaky made everyone uncomfortable with his (slightly racist) ‘green’ theories on people from a certain part of the country. (The content is too explicit for this article, although the reader is encouraged to do a little probing him/herself, it really is a good story!). The theories were so scandalising that they even drew tears from the ordinarily stone-faced Cacofonix. This was such a groundbreaking occurrence that it drew Cacofonix enough unwanted attention to make him want to kill ol’ Leaks.

So there you have it folks. Part One of the mission is complete: we have our suspects and their motive to kill. Or do we? Watch out for the next few editions of Unmaadleaks to find out!

The Carrot, the Stick and the Spreadsheet

With D-day now just a month away, our village heads can been spotted walking around with an extra alertness, their eyes furtively taking in every passer-by – Tragicomix looking out for potential artists, experts or really just anyone who may be attractive enough to throw onto a judging panel; Mono and Polysyllabix cornering those whom they can scare into giving us money; and Fullyautomatix sizing up all who may be fit to lift a microphone or ten. Only Getafix walks with the same calm shuffle he is known for, leading tempers to rise in resentment against his well-oiled publicity machine. Which leads us to ask, how efficient really are these men in charge? 

When confronted with this question, all of Mono and Poly’s workers immediately responded positively, commenting upon everything from superlative leadership skills to charisma to physique. Of course, this reporter did not miss their widening eyes, their quivering lips, the strangely rehearsed manner of their answers, and the quick snap to attention at the mention of their masters’ names. 

Tragicomix’s helpers, whom he had affectionately nursed into a close-knit family, were aching due to the separation from their ‘Daddy’. Dispersed across the country, they were bonded by a painfully thought out to-do list that lay forgotten, a single techni-coloured & partly immobile spread sheet that gave many-a-headache, and the promise of a huge party upon reunion that had been carefully noted.  Under the influence of love and bribery, the underlings worked hard (or so they claim) to please Tragicomix’s exponentially increasing number of emails. 

Fullyautomatix’s cronies were unable to comment on their leader, who had them downing protein shakes and pumping iron at the gym, and were hence too busy for an interview. When cautiously approached for a sound byte while overseeing the boot camp, he turned, red-eyed and whistle-in-mouth, and threatened to set his not-so-mini-ons on the unassuming reporter. 

Seemingly immune to the sleep deprivation and receding hairlines that surrounds him walks Getafix. What is the secret to his head full of hair, we wanted to know? And the secret- a 'planned well in advance' holiday  but not before delegating all his responsibilities very efficiently to the  Publi team. His bleary eyed, sleep deprived, receding “hair-lined” subordinates readily concur.

Of course, there’s no leaving out the boss of all bosses, the man of the festival, the Spreadsheet wielder… you get the point. Vitalstatistix keeps the vertical heads on their toes or, in this new digital age, with their cell phones perpetually on mute to avoid his ever increasing calls. There’s no question that he is the driving force behind Unmaad, and hats off to him for still finding time to shoot his precious hoops! 

So there we have it. Our leaders guide us with a poisonous combination of love, fear, efficiency, corruption and bribery that makes Unmaad run at the end of the day and the villagers, nervous workaholics.

Vindication?

One of the first village meets we had was called to decide the theme of Unmaad 2011. Several ideas were floated around, some interesting, some boring, and some plain weird. Finally, after much deliberation, one theme was selected from amongst several contestants. It was “Unmaad, therefore I am”. That meeting was a pivotal moment in this year’s Unmaad, since it was at that meeting the flavour for the entire fest was decided. It was all the more crucial since the theme of the previous edition of Unmaad (“The World is Bangalore”) sold more Unmaad T-shirts than any other Unmaad theme. In the world of college fests, t shirt sales are the ultimate acid test for success. So the burden rested heavily on the shoulders of all the villagers to decide on a theme that would carry the legacy forward.

“What happens at one am?”

After the meeting got over, all the villagers segregated into separate groups to deliberate on the significance of the decision they had just made. The major obstacle seemed to be that there was no unified consensus on what the heck the theme meant. Everybody had their own opinion, and some had more than one. Polysyllabix was absent for the meeting that decided the theme. Upon hearing of the theme, he reportedly asked Monosyllabix “What happens at one am?” Monosyllabix had to explain to him that the “I” was the alphabet I and not the Roman numeral.

The events team convened an emergency meeting to design events according to the theme. Tragicomix started off the meeting by explaining to his underlings that the theme had to be looked at in the respect of certain individual and essentially unique characteristics, whether it be that of a person or an institution and those which are consonant and harmonious with the identity of the aforementioned parties, and not a broad view of the entire spectrum of intermeshing qualities that generally include such persons or institutions in its sweeping range. While Tragicomix paused for breath after providing this insight, one of the villagers asked if this theme meant the power of an individual identity and what it could accomplish. That simple description changed everything.

The theme takes off (or so we think, therefore we are!)

Indeed, that’s what it was. The power of an individual, that unique identity that defines one’s existence and makes possible feats of courage and innovation that would otherwise get lost in the clutter. We decided to celebrate the individual this year.

The most beautiful thing about this theme is that it is open to all sorts of interpretation. Getafix decided that the biggest weakness of the theme, namely, that it was open to a multitude of interpretations, would be turned into its biggest strength. It seemed fitting that a fest designed to celebrate the power of the individual should have a theme that could be interpreted by anyone in their own, unique manner. So we have Rajni posters, Tendulkar pics, Wikileaks and plain old FB status updates, all celebrating this flexible and extremely powerful concept. Your ability to interpret this theme is limited only by your imagination. Indeed, it’s a fitting tribute to Descartes, who famously declared, “I think, therefore I am”.